My Medical Centre, Dirty Dancing and Other Things That Nearly Killed Me

When I was six, I hid in grass that I was allergic to until my throat closed and I asphyxiated so I could win a game of Hide and Seek. When I was 16 some guy picked me up and held me over a train station balcony under the impression it would convince me to give him my wallet. When I was 24, some guy I met in a party smashed me into a glass table because he misunderstood the difficulty of the final "lift move" in the film Dirty Dancing. 

Most of these stories I kept to myself and my friends, until two years ago, when I went to a Medical Centre that accidentally prescribed me a heavy dose of antipsychotic medication for asthma because she misread her computer screen. The side effects of that drug somewhat poetically include "decreased lung function". They then proceeded to try steal a needle full of blood out of me because they misread 'liver function test" instead of "lung function test" on a form they wrote themselves. This surprisingly heroic story of medical negligence is available for you to read here.

The public interest of that story made me sit down and evaluate how often these kinda things happen to me. The answer is "about 37 times"... Thirty-seven stories I can think of off the top of my head where my life could have creatively ended. And, although statistically it seems likely, I still maintain it's not really my fault. 

But now it's time for YOU to decide. 

In two and a bit weeks I will be bringing the famed Medical Centre saga to stage at The Blood Moon Theatre for TWO NIGHTS ONLY (26th and 27th October).

This show is part comedy, part horrifying - and YOU get to decide which one it is. You, the audience, will pick which of the (6+ hours) of genuine stories from my life I will fit into the 55 minute show. Some are funny, some are super messed up. We will then construct my life, according to you, and collectively decide how much of my life is my own fault and how much is the incidental negligence of people around me. 

Then we'll tabulate it on some sort of graph and figure out whether it overall reads as a comedy or a tragedy - and thus what significant life changes, if any, I need to make. 

There are also some non-death related stories in there for fun!


The stories include, but are not limited to the following:
The Maroubra Medical Centre Saga
Dirty Dancing, the glass table and Gluing my Head Together
The HSC and the Concerning Detailed story of Choking to Death
Let a Guy Get Brain Damage or Go To Jail: A Sydney Love Story
A Collarbone can Snap Pretty Easily
The Black Death - Germany or Australian edition
The Mugging at Blacktown station & The Security that Wasn't
How to Intervene in a Violent Street Domestic
Multiple Trips into the Burning Building
The Tale of Two Emily's 
Ayahuasca, Peru and the Schizophrenic
Not Ayahuasca, LA and The Naked Psycho
The Mugger and My Potential Trip off the Pendle Hill Balcony
Being a Child Houdini 
Stealing from a heavily armed woman in Prague (and Why You Should learn Basic Words in New Countries)
Figuring Out What is Mushrooms and What is Just Amsterdam
Damaging Nerves in your Toe, Dancing on it and the Repercussions
The Home-Made Napalm story
The Short, Simple Time I Nearly Crushed Myself to Death
The Relationship I wasn't part of
The Vodka Experiment
The Ex-Murderer I Met at a Bar that wanted to chat about Integrity